Australian Critics of Scientology
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How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?

From: (Dave Bird)

None: the lightbulb must find $80,000 dollars to become clear, then it will have the selfdeterminism to change itself.

From: (Wulfen)

Lightbulbs only blow because of their own overts and withholds. We should tie the lightbulb down so it can't blow, then audit it for missed withholds.

From: (anthony f. roberts)

(an original, i'm told) 7. 1 to hold the light bulb in place, 6 to turn the universe around.

From: (NoScieno)

Two. A student sets an anchor point on the light bulb, an OT makes the universe revolve around it.

From: Dave Bird <>

The correct answer is "one to unscrew the lightbulb, and six to HOLD THE UNIVERSE STILL so it doesn't turn round with the bulb."

(Scientologists spend a great deal of time intending that Mount Everest or the Empire State Building stay securely in their places. And with some success; at least, these heavy items have not upped and flown away for a while, as I am assured they were occasionally wont to do before Dn/Scn was founded in 1950).

From: (Jim Byrd)

What suppressive told you the light bulb needed changing???

Report to Ethics immediately!

From: (Neil Muspratt)

Only one, but they have to have run this first:

Incident 4,012,387,194,935,195
Occurs at start of evening (18:47 hours)

From: (LR1467)

Please note that in an eyes-only RTC memo, the location of the lightbulb is in the phonebooth used in the RTC Confidential Drill for finding one's butt with both hands on a bright day in said phonebooth, and as such is copyrighted under "The CONFIDENTIAL Drills of the Real Tough Cookies."

WARNING: Any further technical references to this drill can result in the utterers being taken to court for RICO violations.

NOTE: The amount any utterer will be sued for is astronomical, since the RTC Confidential Drills are the only copyrights owned by the RTC.


Typical. Unlike normal humans, Scientologists think that light bulbs wear diapers or something. HEY - WAKE UP CULTIES! Light bulbs don't wear diapers!!! They don't NEED to be changed.

Someone ought to get the police by all the Scn churchs and tell them to quite changing the diapers on light bulbs. Like, now! Congress and Clinton are idiots for not doing something about the waste of diapers Scientologists are making by paying attention to light bulbs while shoving their babies into sockets.

From: Perry Scott <>

[how many ARSCC members does it take to change a light bulb?]

Since you are not part of the ARSCC, you wouldn't know how it REALLY works. Here's the actual list:

1 Bob Minton to bankroll the purchase of the lightbulb.
12 International conspirators that bankroll Bob. (Read Ron's Journal 67! Hubbard was right, you know.)
6 Prozac distribution channel - nothing gets done for free in the ARSCC.
2 ARSCC Lab directors to research the best way to change the light bulb.
1 The guy who actually changes it.


[how many ARSCC members does it take to change a light bulb?]

ARS bigots cannot change a light bulb. They cannot evaluate data so they do not know it needs changing. Woody.

From: (NoScieno)

From Advance #138, "OT Phenomena":

"I am becoming more and more cause as I move up The Bridge. It just permeates how I live these days. And because I am more in control my prediction is very good in all kinds of ways, from the more complex to the more simple. Here's a typical example, just a little thing but nevertheless it illustrates what I mean.

"I was about to go shopping with my roommate. We had made our list and gone over it, but just as we were about to leave I realized that the porch light was going to burn out in the next few minutes. I knew we were out of light bulbs and so I told my roommate to put light bulbs on the list. He wondered why I was adding it at the last minute and I simply said that the porch light was going to burn out in the next few minutes.

"He looked at me like I was a little strange but wrote down light bulbs on the list. Then we got our stuff together and headed straight for the door. Right as I opened the door the porch light blew out. I turned round and looked at him and smiled and said it was a good thing we had light bulbs on the list."

- A. R.

(Page nineteen, Advance #138. I s'pose it could be called Oct/Nov. '98.)

From: (Podkayne)

1 to proclaim that, even though the light bulb was in the lamp over Hubbie's desk during the period when Hubbie spent lots of time at that desk writing, nonetheless, the light bulb was never on while Hubbie was around

1 to say that the light bulb only blew because it had missed withholds & overts against Scn, or was kicked out for sexual perversions

1 to claim the light from the light bulb was once used to make shadow puppets of pigs

1 to claim the light bulb is only faking being burnt out, in order to get Minton to pay for a new filament.

From: Funky Donny <>

500. 35 at CLO to write ethics chits about it being blown, 65 members of the FP committee to approve the purchase order, 1 to change it, and 399 to sign the "light bulb to socket" routing form.


None. As soon as it blows it becomes suppressive and they're forbidden any further contact with it. In any case they can just get a couple of OT's to postulate that it's still daylight ...

From: anonymous

If the light bulb is at St Hill, the bulb is not officially changed. If one person tries to change it, he is declared suppressive for unscrewing what Hubbard screwed personally; saying that you personally saw a RPF slave screw the light bulb will get you a SLAPP lawsuit for having trade secrets you are not supposed to know except by theft or spying, and the lawsuit will be sealed by the cult if they can. Insisting will have you framed or there will be a constant attempt (lasting decades if necessary) to drive you nuts so you go out and bomb the cult or something.

Of course, if you have money they will forgive you after you do about a year of RPF slave camp and all your auditing again from scratch.

The light bulb will be changed in everyone's sight by a RPF slave, who would quit Co$ if only he had money for a bus ticket out of there. Any wog who comes in will be told how Hubbard screwed the light bulb and it never went dark, ever! For those who would notice the light bulb was manufactured in a company that started after Hubbard's death, see and stare at the truth!

From: (NoScieno)

All the OTs in the world postulating together couldn't even change a light bulb into a dark bulb.

From: (Nick Andrew)

Two: one to hold each wire, and the other to ask questions of the first until the bulb lights up.

From: (Zinj)

It takes 8 million (falls over a Red Volume in the dark)

From: (Lance S. Buckley)

One assumes that the bulb needs replacing because it has blown. In all such cases where a Suppressive Electrician is found, watch out for legal repercussions by having reliable witnesses present during such tapping with finger or jiggling, and take liberal notes for possible Comm Ev. This is why there also must be a Hubbard's Electricians Office representative handling it.

If there is no agreement to be changed and the bulb who is found to be a Suppressive Device will not respond to A to E (because bulb has blown and can't be seen in the dark or because the bulb flatly refuses to break the laws of physics), the bulb is considered terminated.

From: Roland <>

Five. One to screw in the bulb while 4 OTs "stop the room from going away".


NOW HIRING - Light bulb changer wanted - Apply within

From: (Michael Reuss)

[Heber Jentzsch] I know what you're trying to do by asking that question. You are trying to DESTROY MY RELIGION! You don't want to help people, do you? You don't want to get people off drugs. You're probably on drugs right now. Aren't you on drugs? You are, you are on drugs right now ...

From: (Lars Westergren)

Two to hold the ladder, one two screw the lightbulb into a faucet. One to assign the first three to a condition of "treason" when it is discovered that the light still doesn't work, which must mean that the infallible light bulb changing tech was incorrectly applied. Ten to try and get CNN, Hollywood "news" shows or any other gullible media to do a piece on the effectiveness of the scientology light bulb changing tech, five to do the clay demo and word clearing. Fifteen to tell an acceptable truth to anyone asking if the light is now working, seven to write success stories. Twenty to investigate anyone who has the temerity to point out that the light is, in fact, not working. A hundred to give death stares and snap their hands clam style at the critics in an attempt to stimulate their reactive minds and drive them insane. A thousand to investigate the critics, publish dead agent attacks, arrange counter demonstrations, and deny that anything is wrong.

From: (Hud Nordin)

Who paid you to say the light bulb needs changing? Psychiatrists? Do you know psychiatrists have the highest incidence of rape? 2500 cases! They hate me!

From: "Tim Roberts" <>

Well, if the light bulb really feels the need for change, then perhaps that light bulb sees that things are not working too well for it. It is not using all of its capabilities, it feels less alive, less on. There are old things inhabiting this light bulb and, thus, inhibiting its full potential.

The bulb needs to find out what's going on. DYEANNETIX can help. It has been hailed by critics and professionals, often called "The User's Manual for the Light Bulb Mind." The bulb should buy it and read it today!

Yet there are those who wish to persecute the light bulb, and anyone else, for wanting to better itself through a program documented by pure science. There is a tremendous wave of religious persecution in this country, much like there was under the Nazi reigime. We, and that light bulb who wants to change, must be allowed to without persecution, intervention, and general bad vibes from the populace.

From: (Alan Furman)

They just postulate that the bulb is still lit.

From: "Rob Carr" <>

It depends - do each of the body thetans count as individual people?

From: (David Lesher)

How much money does the light bulb have?

From: Jim Byrd <>

Scientologists say that reality is agreement and that they have power over MEST (matter, energy, space, time). So they just have to agree that the light bulb does not need changing.

From: (Inducto)

There's no need to change it, it works perfectly and is 100% effective, and is constantly expanding to boot. Your perception that it's not working is a result of brainwashing by psychiatrists, and your misunderstanding the words "light" and "dark". It works just fine for me, and anyway, scientology has given me increased abilities that allow me to see in the dark - that table I knocked over is just an indication that I need to take one more course to refine my abilities.

From: (DeoMorto)

Did you know that Hubbard was totally professional in light bulb changing? In fact he is responsible for totally new breakthroughs in the technology of changing light bulbs.

If you sign up for the course on the Freewinds you too can be an OT Light Bulb changer.

From: Roger Gonnet <>

No, because Hubbie was not able to that himself, so, he did not wrote any HCO PL on Bulb Changing, revised and rerevised the ... etc.

From: wbarwell@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (William Barwell)

Six. 1 to be hatted as I/C of the bulb changing project. 1 to be hatted as the bulb changer. 2 to be hatted as ladder holders. 1 undercover Op to shoplift the bulb since the org probably has no money budgeted for bulbs or toilet paper. 1 ethics officer to sec check the bulb changer and ladder holders. 1 OSA case officer to hat and do shoplifting TRs with shoplifter Op.

From: Absolutely Sweet Marie

[the ex-staff member version] One to change the light bulb; 19 to get the P.O. through F.P.

[P.O. is purchase order. F.P. is financial Planning (meeting) where prospective purchases detailed on a P.O. are OK'd or not. (Usually not.)]

From: (Ex-CMO)

A staff member told me this one:

It takes 20 people.
1 to change the lightbulb
19 to sign the routing form.

From: (David Gerard)

That's joking and degrading. Report to Ethics.

[Entertainment for Clambakers: Scientology humour]